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What’s your fuel?

“JACKIE, WHAT’S YOUR FUEL?”

I wrote that today in my planner. Today is one of those days when you feel lost. Lost as in, you don’t know why you want something anymore. I can’t find the fuel to keep me going. I felt like I ran out of gasoline in the middle of nowhere.

I was thinking about my family, specifically my baby sister, I think about her future all the time and I am excited to offer the world to her. I will be responsible for her. I will make money for her and myself and my whole family. But then again, I don’t think it convinced me enough. I felt like there is some place in my heart that has been sleeping for quite some time and I don’t remember how I let it happen. All I knew was that I feel lost.

That’s why as I was sitting at our studio, I prayed. I asked for guidance. I want him to guide me and lead me to the right way and right reason to continue learning. 

And after 5 hours, I saw this on facebook http://fredericting.wordpress.com/2013/09/23/to-study-and-to-study-well-is-the-least-that-we-can-do/

It was a post of a fellow isko.

What really touched me was when he said that people give their trust to us (medical practitioners) on the hopes of becoming better. That’s the time I felt really guilty. I have been whining all day long, everyday about how difficult everything is. I have been seeing the people in PGH waiting for so long but I forget about them each time I come in to the classroom and study. I keep on forgetting why I wanted to be a Physiotherapist in the first place.

I wanted to help, not just survive. I wanted to live not just for my family, but for others. 

Thank you for sharing this Mr. Fred. You don’t know how much it means to me and I know that He wanted me to discover that post. I never really browse through facebook anymore. But somehow, I found your post and my reason to keep going. I hope to meet you one day in UPM-PGH or anywhere Mr. Fred. May God bless you.

Thank you for waking my tired soul and body, you fired it up again with passion. Thank you.

 

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